in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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