I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
