took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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