Already got asked if we're dating
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
