I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
