i jhust puked up my retainher.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
