I bet he comes in French.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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