I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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