I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
