i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
