it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
