At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fuck appropriateness.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
