so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
