Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
