I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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