Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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