Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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