I accidentally burped into my bong.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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