i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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