Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
