I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
