Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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