remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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