I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
