am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
