piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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