he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
