i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
