I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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