there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
