I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
