would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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