I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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