Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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