oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
