I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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