JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
