Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
