I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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