When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
