I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up under a house in Key West
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
