Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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