just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He did a backflip because drugs
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