Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
