Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
