I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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