dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
