Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
