i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
