Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We had to coat check the pizza.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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