I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
