it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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